Stereotypes.

We all crave perfection, though why isn't what we have already perfect enough for us ? If we're satisfied, is that our perfection in plain view ? I despise the people who change so much to fit in. What happened to no one is perfect ? We go out of our way to satisfy others who mostly do not care as much as society portrays. Being yourself is what you should be, not because I say so as known as compliance, because who enjoys changing their ways to get a long with a certain group ? The social pressures to fit in known as conformity, as a young impressionable person, it's hard to stay where you want to since some things of what we want to be are not accepted. Certain people don't go abroad their set boundaries, since they are afraid what the others in their group will say. People shove us into these categories by a kernel of truth of what they know, not by the whole spectrum. Our minds are far more complex than what we really know and grasp. We decide not to think as much and use our minds, so we use the false thinking and 'we attribute that behavior to the person's stereotypical disposition.' I try not to think of people so harshly, but in a more positive light. I may not come off as someone to think more logical haha. Though someone should try walking around and not stereotyping someone, since stereotyping goes to false and negative generalizations, then go to prejudice[the feelings] and then to the worst of all, discrimination[the actions]. I think we've grown lazy basically.

Lose Yourself.

So Romeo from Z100 Retired from Z100 last night, on the radio. I just happened to be in a 5 hour road trip ha ha. Anyways, it was kind of sad. He had a request for the most inspirational song ever. Honestly, I haven't heard it in a few years, and I realized it made more of an impression right now than a few years ago. 'Lose Yourself' by Eminem.
I had a great night last night. At burger king and Mcdonald's and our little road trip and fiasco. I will eventually go on a road trip. To every state in 1 summer. I shall suceed. Who's coming with me?

So this is it..

I'm sick of constant criticization. I'm sick of everyone. I'm done with all of you for now. I'm making new friends, I'm sick of never getting to see my friends outside of school. I'm sick of my mother
bashing everyone. I'm sick of all this bullshit. I don't know what else to do. This thing called life, is fucking cruel and heartless. How do I regain my heart?

This is to everyone.

I've came to the conclusion, people suck. Everyone does. Most of my friends do, to be perfectly honest. A person that'll just say hello in the hallway, yeah you're not like a true friend to me so whatever. I've been fading away from some people and reluctantly growing closer with others. Though no one cares to text, call, make PLANS with me, ever. So honestly I'm done. I'm at the point where, why the fuck should I give you a second or third, or fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, bullshit endless chances? HUH? Give me a reason. I was stuck home friday night, most of saturday too. I've come to the conclusion that I'll give you one more shot. You blow it, you're done. Straight up how it's going to be. I won't be here waiting.
'I miss you ! We need to chill soon ! '
Yeah ok sure. Does that ever work, NO !
People give me that shit all the time. They do it because they couldn't find anyone else to hang out with. I try and try and all I do is get a smack in the face.
I try to carry on convorsations that you'll give one or two word answers to and I just say, you know what, fuck you too. You know that all of you have your cellular devices within a few meter radius, and you all know it, and you all can pick up the phone for maybe 20 minutes out of your 'busy' lives and give me a call or some sort of way to check if my pulse is still going.
I talked to some other people and realized it wasn't only me. So you know what, this is it. I'll try to get in contact with you fools one more time, and if you try to blow me off, or not talk to me anymore, that's your deal.
Don't come crawling back to me, expecting me to be here because I won't. I'll be long gone.
So there it is. I'm in my ' Identity vs. Confusion' stage.
I'm getting closer to identity, and man oh man, you guys really haven't got a clue on who I am and who you're dealing with.
xo.

Silly me, and I was so Naive.

So once again back at square one, she never learned. Don't you realize once you've lost all your true friends, that you've done something silly and wrong? Though you can never man up to what you say which makes you look like a dumbass even more ! Hah, get over yourself hun, stop trying to flatter yourself. You look immature as hell and one of our friends came to me telling me she can't hear it anymore, I mean don't you get it you dumb bitch? Obvi. not.
Anyways, she'll get her's. I had a dream the other night, where I was standing in line to buy flowers for Valentine's Day and someone cut through the line, like I was at the middle of this line, and this arrogant bitch shoved through right infront of me and continued walking. I shoved her back real hard and I got introuble. So here's what I think of it. I think it was Lisa, coming out of NO WHERE to start a problem, while I was waiting patiently in line to buy some flowers. So what happens the next day ?! I have to go hunt her down that morning and confront that bitch. I can't believe I had one of those premonitions, but in a dream format in a different situation. Amazing how dreams DO some how relate to you. Remember, as soon as you wake up you have only 10 seconds to catch that dream, or else it's gone.
I think I've came to the conclusion that I'm too paranoid. I'm going to meditate daily, and sleep way more. I'll go to school, come home and meditate some days, or maybe everyday, then eat and chill for a while, then go to sleep. That'll be my life unless I make plans.
Other than that; that's it for now.
xo.

The way we talk

The Maine is just amazing with complete sense their music makes. Bands can write many songs, but when you can relate or something that's catchy and you can sing it and think of atleast 1 way it relates to you. Obvi I'm singing along with them, though yeah. Today was a better day, it was nice and warm until it was about 3pm, then it got cold): I'm still sick, from my cousin coughing all weekend like a smoker, ugh. I'm still disgusted with her. Shallow is as shallow does, some people NEVER change, well yepp. They don't and won't; it wasn't even the first time that happened.

Oh and midterms are finally over, woo !

Done.

Go put some clothes on.

People disgust me. Thoroughly to the point to where I don't give a fuck about them any more. What's relative about family besides blood? The ones who actually give a shit, will pick up the phone. Won't use you or throw you to the curb when their boyfriend comes over and you're the 3rd wheel. So here I am sitting with my cousin's computer on my lap, about to punch a motherfucking wall since I'm apparently invisible to them. If her little sister was not home, and out with her parents, I'm mostly sure they'd be having sex like crazy. I'd be the one hearing the yells of just another...
So, tell me why I decide to bite my lip and not go crazy on their motherfucking asses. I do not know, but I'd motherfucking like to. I'm not that person unless I really despise you. I need to stand up for myself. This weekend was the last straw. I have a way with failure to fulfill my needs and wishes, which now is driving me insane. So Ladies and Gentlemen, feast your eyes on something you don't see too often out of me.

To those who know me dearly well, be prepared for something you might not have seen coming. Not saying I'm going to say fuck you to everything or you, but this is it THE MOTHERFUCKING END OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT STRESSING ME OUT TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN. I've been hurt too many times. Time for my time to change, not for anyone else but my motherfucking self for once. In the mean time, go put some clothes on.

Arrogance and Foolishness

ar⋅ro⋅gance 
–noun
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
fool·ish
-adj.
Lacking or exhibiting a lack of good sense or judgment; silly: foolish remarks.
Resulting from stupidity or misinformation; unwise.
People interfere with their opinions in tough situations too much. I mean when you come to them with a problem, they help you resolve it, but by ending either a friendship or relationship, I mean come on now. That's really fucking arrogant, and foolish.
It's not the end of the world, everyone between friends and boyfriends/girlfriends. There are going to be conflicts, many of which can become catastrophic, and why they are, is because they aren't thought thoroughly enough. Especially if you only know your side of the story and go running with it, and ofcoarse they're going to agree, some will tell you if you're wrong, depends on the person though.
When you have something going, maybe for a while, and to end it of something silly and arrogantly, it really shows that some people are still immature and don't want to believe it.
Don't get me wrong, I have tendancies to be immature at times, though I'm working on growing my knowledge and learning how to handle things correctly. If your friends really say to end something over something so silly, maybe you need to get advice elsewhere, because when I go to some of my friends when I have a problem with a friend, but they don't say, oh go tell them to fuck off, they try to help me see the other person's side of the story and I tell them how I'm feeling and I get a lot out, and you know what, I feel so much better and silly for getting all worked up for something so silly and lame.
Ladies and Gentlmen, today I've finally discovered where arrogance and foolishness get you, ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE. So I think a few times before I confront the person about something so I know my story is straight.
Apparently I've had a shit day, but there you go, something to leave you thinking about and understanding another person's side of the story.
xo

3 Day Weekend

So far my weekend has been going pretty good. I'm glad Sammmmmmmmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii got to come down and spend the weekend(: Tomorrow she's going home, which SUCKS. Then I'll be all alone yet again but yeah the beginning of this weekend sucked with silly beyond STUPID petty fights. Though I realized how much jealousy of other people piss me off. Obvi. Jealousy doesn't sit well with me. I can't tolerate silly things turning into catastrophic fights that lead NO WHERE. Over something so stupid, some people can never admit they're at fault, or they apologize without them meaning it. Though I think I'm growing more mature, and taking responisbility. I'm not so happy with myself, though I try to see the day through. I want some new friends, NOT REPLACING THE GREAT ONES I HAVE<3 It would be nice to have some more and meet new people and actually get out there and have a great time. So I've learned a lot of how I shouldn't act in certain situations and how I handle things more recently I'm learning, I'm getting better at it. I feel like I'm on my way to accomplishing something that people don't even second guess. So I'm addicted to the new song SOMETHING by the new Escape The Fate, with Craig. I can relate so much to the lyrics with some of the relationships I have with friends and so on. Which I posted the lyrics in the blog below, so go check them out and I bet you'll have it on repeat.
xo

Something.[ETF] <3

So now you're running
It's hard to see clearly
When I make you angry
You're stuck in the past
And now you're screaming
So can you forgive me?
I've treated you badly
But I am still here
Sometimes I wonder
Why I'm still waiting
Sometimes I'm shaking
That's how you make me
Sometimes I question
Why I'm still here
Sometimes I think I am going crazy
Can you help me understand?
And now you wish that you meant something
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
And now you wish that you met someone
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
You look at me through clouded eyes
I know you see through my lies
See the sky, see the stars
All of this could be ours
Out of sight, out of mind
We've been through this a thousand times
Turn your back and then you make me feel so crazy
Can you help me understand?
And now you wish that you meant something
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
And now you wish that you met someone
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
You know I would wait forever
Yes, I would wait I WOULD WAIT.
You know I would wait FOREVER
Yes, I would wait
And now you wish that you meant something
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
And now you wish that you met someone
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
AND I'M THE ONE THAT SHOULD MEAN SOMETHING
But still you wish that you meant something to somebody else

There goes another..

So today, was good until this morning in my first period class. I found out that one of my real good friends' was moving back her old place, in a different state. Which I wanted to cry but ya know, I'd feel bad if I made her cry too. She said she wasn't leaving yet for approximately another week so we must spend as much time together as we can. Like you make an instant bond with someone who just moved here or walks into your life, and then they must go, in person. Why? She just got here in August and only about 5 months she's going back. It hurts, when you become really close, over such a short period of time, but we know she'll be back to visit often. Hopefully haha. So the best of wishes Brittany ! We'll keep in contact, ofcoarse.

Other than that, nothing really good has happened, except that I'm seeing Sammmmiiiii this weekend ! :D So hopefully we can go do something with KELLY and Gabby and a few others, everyone will get along greatly with Sam.

So for this shit day could bring good things. Let's be positive, shall we?

xo.

re-united with HALO. Fucking killed 1 dude out of the whole game hahaha. I'm so beast xD. NAHHHT. Other than that today has been pretty damn gooooood. My dad should be coming up soon ! So thrilled. School tomorrow. BLAH. Though I realized, that I think I'm beginning to find my core self. The you inside of you, ahhaa, that is too afraid or just won't come out. I think mine is. Like duuuude, I just don't care anymore about those silly little things in the back of your head. Awh man, I'm just excited, this week seems like it's going to be sick. Gut feelings are what I'm sticking with. Oh and btw, you know who you are. With wearing all that black crap around your eyes which makes you look like shiiiiit, and your bring me the horizon shirts, YOU'RE NOT SCENE BITCH. YOU'RE A FAKE. GET OVER IT. DONE.(; hah I can be a bitch but hey, I don't run my mouth, I STATE FACTS. Peace muthaF.
xo.

Day 2 of Blogging

Don't you hate when you're not friends with someone and they try to not make it obvious that they turned away. It just makes me smile and think, I'm over it and obviously you've got a guilt trip that you caused yourself. I'm so euphoric right now about it. If it snows this weekend, it better snow enough so we don't have school monday. I'm so glad I've inspired someone, like a motivater. I'm so thrilled to have people literally care more about me than I have ever thought they would. I'm excited to meet more people though and all of the surprises in store. I want everyone to be a part of this great year, my gut says so. It's going to be amazing, and if you're not a part of it, you're MISSING OUT. I feel so good right now, I feel tremendous. This post should be a bit better than my first. Don't worry, it'll all get better.
xo

First and Worst Blog

This being my first blog post, hello those reading and interested !
Today was shitty out, all the rain and the cold weather. I hate the cold, it just ruins the day. Along with rain, that's a horrible combination. Other than that, nothing really exciting is happening down here, which is totally lame. I want to go to see Life's Cold Grip in Pompton Lakes on January 16th I believe, with Knuckle Up ! and several others. My mother will NOT drive up there, which sucks so I'm looking for a ride. Going in an hour to get my eyes examined and I might be getting glasses. As my first blog, it sounds painfully boring. Hmm, I'm not sure of what else to write. I get to see my bffffff Sammmiiiii this weekend ! Which is exciting since I haven't seen her in months. Really disappointing, but I'm glad. My first blog is unentertaining, but I can asure those who are reading that the others shall be more interesting to read. I'm done for now.
xo